WATCH THE VIDEO ABOVE AND THEN READ THE SUPPLEMENTAL ARTICLE BELOW:
In short, the Law of Association states: you become like those you spend time with. Generally, if they are negative, you are negative. If they are positive, you are positive. If they cuss, you cuss. If they read good books, you read good books. If they smoke weed, you smoke weed. If they disrespect men/women, you disrespect men/women. If they are concerned about the environment, you're concerned about the environment. If they are a capitalist, you are a capitalist. If this is not the case in your life, just give it more time, because this is how it is. Got it?
The old proverb puts it this way: “Birds of a feather, flock together.” And there are two ways this happens in our life. We either naturally gravitate to those people who are like us, or we adapt to become like those we have chosen to associate with.
It's very easy for us to assume that hanging out with negative people doesn't make a difference. It's a convenient thought, especially when so many of us have a vice in our negative friends and relatives. But the reality is, you are being effected by every person you spend time with, and, there is nothing you can do about it! You can choose not to spend time with a certain someone, and thereby avoid the damage they may cause. But, if you choose to be around them, there is nothing you can do about the effect they will have on you.
Check this out…
There is a method of health diagnosis, used primarily by chiropractors and other natural healers called Applied Kinesiology (AK). It's a system that evaluates structural, chemical, and mental aspects of health using manual muscle testing. The patient will hold out their arm, while the practitioner applies pressure. By doing this in different ways, many mental and physical health challenges can be discovered. But it's application has been broadened in more recent years.
It is used to decipher when someone is lying or telling the truth. The subject can hold out their arm, and be asked a question. If the subject answers the question honestly, their muscle responce will be “strong.” (They will have strength to give a strong resistance to the tester.) If however, they are telling a lie, they will test “weak.” (Their ability to resist the pressure put on their arm is lessened.) Incredible, right?? But it gets better.
A man is given an envelope full of man-made sweetener, and unaware of the contents of the envelope, he is tested using AK, and is found weak. Then he is given an envelope of vitamin C, and again unaware of the envelope's contents, he is tested, and he tests strong. Here is the grand finale… and I have actually done this in my own seminars, and no matter how many times I do it, I am still stunned by the results, which are the same, every time.
In a room of approximately 100 graduating chiropractors, their family and friends, a seminar leader asks for a volunteer. The volunteer is escorted out of the room, and beyond ear shot of what is happening behind closed doors. Once gone, the leader explains what they are about to do:
When our volunteer comes back into the room, I will have him come on stage with me. Once he's on stage, I want you to begin sending him the most postive and loving thoughts you can muster up, and stay in that positive state until I have muscle tested him. He will test strong.
After I have tested him the first time, I want you to shift all of our positive energy into negative. I want you to think the most terrible thoughts you can think about our volunteer. I will muscle test him again, and he will test weak.
The leader calls for the volunteer to come back in. And exactly what the seminar leader said would happen, happened. During the first test, the volunteer was strong. During the second test he was weak. So weak, in fact, that he was baffled and confused by what was happening to his body. He looked around the room in disbelief, as the crowd began to chuckle. He was trying to figure out what they did to him, when finally, the seminar leader came to his mental rescue.
After explaining what they had done to him, the volunteer couldn't believe it, so they did it again, which left the volunteer even more stupefied. This is what is meant by the phrase, “What you don't know, will hurt you.” What most don't know, that is hurting them, is that they are being physically weakened by the negative people around them. But on a postive note, we are literally strengthened when we hang around positive and empowering people.
I know a lady who has such a negative energy pulsating from her body, I can tell when she walks in the room. And I'm not kidding. For this story, we will call her Bertha. (I figured that's a safe name since I don't know anyone named Bertha. I don't want anyone calling me and saying, “Hey, were you talking about me on your blog? 
I don't need the drama, so Bertha it is.
One night, I was at a restaurant having dinner with friends, when Bertha walked in the door, saw me from behind, walked up behind me, and blindfolded me with her hands. Before she could even complete covering my eyes, I shouted, “Bertha! What's up?” She couldn't believe it. “How did you know?” she asked incredulously. What was I gonna tell her? I knew because you have the most disruptive, and negative vibe about you of anyone I have ever known in my life. No, I couldn't tell her that. I didn't lie though. I told her the truth. I said, “Oh, you know, I just had a feeling.”
In deed, the people around us do effect us. But, it's not just the people we associate with. It's also the things we watch, listen to, read, think about or otherwise lend our attention to. If it's positive, we are strengthened. If it's negative, we are weakened.
In pursuit of becoming better, so we can enjoy success, freedom and the good life, our associations will prove critical. Positive people will empower you, make you feel good, and inspire your faith and confidence. They will cheer you on and give you help from time to time. Negative people are the exact opposite. They will relentlessly hammer on your faith and dreams, even if they never mention them. They don't have to mention your goals in order to sway you. They need only be themselves, and they will infect you, and without a change of environment, they will overcome you.
There are some people in your life you are spending days with, during a week or month, who you need to spend only hours with. And, there are those you're spending hours with, you should spend only minutes with. And, there are those who you give a few minutes of time, who you should probably completely disassociate with altogether.
So, you have a choice to make. If you are giving the negative people in your life equal access to your time, you are headed for disaster, and it's likely… you're already there. And for some of you, this choice will be very, very difficult. So difficult in fact, because of the nature of your relationship with the offender, that you will choose to continue to be afflicted by them, rather than enjoy success and peace of mind. Now, before I share one last story to illustrate this point, let me jump in to try to save a marriage or two.
When I train on this concept in my live seminars, invariably someone will approach me and ask some variation of the following question: “My spouse is the negative person you are describing. They are so toxic! What should I do about that?” It's almost like they are asking for permission to get divorced! YIKES! My answer to this question is always the same: “Yes, that is very typical. And it's a very difficult scenario. And marriage is so sacred, and so outside my expertise, I'm very hesitant to give council. What I can say is this is just love them. Don't criticize them for not being on the path you are on. And to the best of your ability, become a bright light of example to them. Hopefully, they will become lighter over time. In the mean time, if they are weighing you down, you are going to have to work that much harder at keeping yourself up. That's about all I can say.” And I leave it that.
Last story….
I have changed the details of the following story so as to not leave a clue about who I am referring to. But the moral of the story will remain intact.
My friend, Mark, is 38 years old and lives in Minnesota. His uncle, who raised him, happened to live on my street (in California, where I used to live). Mark was a student of mine, and every time he would fly down for a personal coaching session, he would go visit his uncle. Sounds reasonable, right? Well, every time he visited his uncle, his uncle would belittle and berate him. He would make fun of him for “meeting with his fu-fu guru.” And he would curse at him as if he were his enemy. Then, without fail, Mark would meet me at my office and try to unload his abuse on me, but I would stop him. “I don't want to hear it.” I said. “Save that for someone who enjoys it. I don't.”
We had the same discussion a dozen more times. I would try to convince him that his uncle was a destructive force in his life, and that he needed to seriously limit that association. “But he raised me!” he defended. “I know he raised you,” I would shoot back, “but that doesn't mean you need to visit him once a month, lay down at his feet, and allow him to trample all over you.”
“What am I supposed to do, then? What would you do if you were me? He's the closest thing to a father I've ever had. You can't just disown your father!” he said.
“I'm not suggesting that you disown your father (uncle). To the contrary, I'm suggesting that you honor your father. If I were you, I would continue to honor my father, by visiting him once a month, or whenever you are in town. I would take about 20 minutes prior to your visit with him, and write him a letter or a card, expressing your appreciation to him for raising you. I would pop in to his house for a minute or two, tell him you have to run, but that you wanted to say hi and drop off this card, or this gift, or this letter, or dinner, or what ever, and then get the heck out of there! And if ever he catches on to the fact that you seem to be avoiding him, I would just tell him the truth…. ‘Dad, you're right. I have been avoiding you. It seems like every time I spend any considerable time with you, I leave feeling poorly about myself. I'm a grown man, and I'm not accustomed to being yelled at, cursed at, belittled and berated. Nontheless I love you, and I appreciate you, but I won't be spending that much time with you in the future. I just can't do it, anymore. I'll always come see you when I'm in town. I will always honor you. I hope you understand. This is how it needs to be in order for me to maintain a healthy state of mind.' And, if in my mini, doorstep visits with him, he continued to abuse me, I would stop seeing him altogether. Think about it this way Mark, what if every time you went to see him, he punched you in the face and knocked a tooth or two lose. Would you continue to go visit him?”
“No.” he said.
“Well, he is punching you, Mark, you just can't see the marks he's leaving. But they are there, and it IS effecting you.” I suggested.
He understood, but he just coudn't do it. To this day, he still flies in, about once a month, to see his Uncle. He still spends hours with him. He is still being abused. And his life is still not working. And, unfortunately, he is no longer my client. My time is too valuable to spend time with people who are not willing to change. So is yours.
So again, you may have some important choices to make. Think about it. The Law of Association is always at work… both negative and positive. And rather than just dwelling on the negative associations in your life, think about the positive ones, and how much you love them. Think about who you would like to spend more time with, and how you can accomplish this.
This is important stuff. You have a lot to think about. I'll leave you with your thoughts.
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