When I launched this blog in July, I created a 4 part video series entitled The Silent Saboteur. I explained that self sabotage was the greatest cause of defeat in those who are passionately pursuing their dreams. How else could failure or mediocrity be explained when a person is totally committed to success, and is doing everything right, but remains at the same level year, after year, after year?
Do you remember learning about “set-point” in your high school psychology class? The set-point theory essentially argues that an individual's metabolism will adjust itself to maintain a weight at which it is comfortable. Have you noticed that over the course of a year, you have maintained about the same weight? You may have lost or gained weight temporarily, but after some time passes, you find yourself right back where you started. This is your body weight “set-point.” For me, it's 195 pounds. I've been there for years. I got down to 180 a couple years ago when I was running a lot, and I got up to about 205 last year when I was eating a lot. But over time, I end up at about 195. Isn't that interesting?
Here's something even more interesting. This same phenomenon is occurring to you when it comes to success. All of us have what I call a “Success Set-Point.” Success Set-Point defined is: The level of income or success with which a person is comfortable. When a person begins to get too far above, or below, their body weight set point, their metabolism will kick in, make adjustments, and bring the weight back to “normal.” The Success Set Point works the same way, only it's the subconscious mind that kicks in and begins to move the conscious mind to take certain actions that will bring the income back up or back down to “normal.”
Over the past several years of coaching people, I've seen the Success Set Point at work hundreds of times. I'll tell one story to illustrate how it works.
I have a friend named Francine (I have changed the name), who has struggled financially her whole life. As a kid, her parents never earned enough to pay all the bills. And as an adult, she continued in this same pattern of financial struggle. Immediately after we began working together, her income took a significant jump. Almost immediately, the self defeating behaviors showed up. She started missing our meetings, and went back to where she started from… broke. I didn't see her for months.
Finally, she popped her head up again, “ready to do it” this time. So we started working together again. Over the course of a year or two, her income exploded! She was earning more money than her mother and father combined! Then inexplicably, she disappeared again. No one heard from her for at least 6 months. During those 6 months, her income went to an all time low. She was living in the basement of her brothers house, and lost everything.
One day, she shows up “ready to go” again. She started building a business, and within a couple of years, her income was at an all time high! Her business was in full blown momentum. She even broke into the 5 digit monthly income range ($10,000 +). Life was going great! So, she went on vacation… for like 2 months! What?! Yeah, I know! Crazy huh? And guess what? While she was gone, her business all but fell apart.
That was about 2 years ago, and she still hasnt recovered. But the good news is, if you can call it good news, she's at her Success Set Point. She's comfortable. She's not physically comfortable, where she's enjoying nice homes, cars, and financial freedom. She's psychologicaly comfortable; hovering no higher, or lower, than her Success Set Point. Which, by the way, is just a hair over poverty, and a hair under middle class.
This story is probably one of the most outrageous examples I could give, but you can see the pattern. In most people, the self sabotage is much more subtle. It may be messing up a big account, saying the wrong thing, not returning a phone call, feeling fearful or insecure, eating something we know we shouldn't, losing our temper, sleeping in, being late to or missing an appointment, gossiping, trash talking, negative thinking, or just simply not doing what we know we should do.
As I taught in my Silent Saboteur video series, on your journey to success, any time you do something you know you shouldn't, or don't do what you know you should, just know, that is your silent saboteur. That is your subconscious mind controlling you in effort to keep you at your Success Set Point, or where you are comfortable. Remember, your subconscious mind has a very, very important job, and that is self-preservation. It is to protect itself. If your ideas are different from the programming, or ideas that your subconscious mind has, which is very typical, get ready for the fight of your life.
Some final thoughts: It's easy to “spot” this self sabotage in other people. And it's easy to judge people who have a lower Success Set Point than our own. But it's important to note that we all have a Success Set Point, and most of us are “stuck” there. I was “stuck” at $15,000 a month for many years. Getting unstuck, or resetting, your Success Set Point is some of the hardest work you will ever do in your life. But if you want the good life, you gotta do it. And that's what I'll be talking about tomorrow.
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